This blog is published in anticipation of the Thanksgiving holiday in the USA, which falls on the fourth Thursday of November.
by Dr. Vivek Desai
Gratitude in the Modern World
Every November, the festival of Thanksgiving in the USA reminds millions there to pause and say “thank you.” Slowly, with the universalization of Western practices, the same habit is gradually spreading to modern India as well. However, in the Bhāratīya tradition, gratitude is not a magic word to be uttered — it is a way of seeing, or rather, a way of being.
What the Western tradition considers and celebrates as a positive emotion, Bhāratīya tradition recognizes as dharma (responsibility): participation in the spontaneous, eternal and natural rhythm (ṛta) of giving and receiving that sustains creation.
Two Stories, Two Perspectives
“How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is / To have a thankless child!” These lines are uttered by King Lear when his two elder daughters, Goneril and Regan — to whom he gives away his kingdom — insult him and treat him with disrespect.
Now compare this with the story of Hanumān. After Rāma and Sitā return to Ayodhya, Sitā presents gifts to all the vānaras and bears who had helped Rāma in the battle against Rāvaṇa. Finally, she offers the most precious pearl necklace to Hanumān. Surprisingly, Hanumān feels offended, as he perceives a price tag attached to his heartfelt and selfless service (sevā). He breaks each pearl to see if Rāma was present in it. For him, no gift was more valuable than Rāma’s divine presence.
In the first story, a king is hurt when not thanked; in the second, a vānara is hurt when thanked, especially with a material gift. We often see this difference play out in daily life as well: some helpers feel hurt when not publicly rewarded or at least acknowledged, whereas others feel embarrassed when publicly rewarded or acknowledged. This difference is not random — it arises from the paradigms of two distinct cultures or perspectives towards life.
Psychological Gratitude — A Western Perspective
In the Western tradition, informed by Greco-Roman and Christian thought, gratitude is defined as a positive emotional response to receiving help or kindness from a person. It is also seen as a virtue or a moral quality, as explained by philosophers such as Cicero and Seneca, who emphasized its role in sustaining social harmony. In Christianity, it is thankfulness to God for his grace.
In both these Western streams, gratitude is dualistic, reciprocal and personal. It is a quality that can be cultivated through practices such as gratitude journaling and verbal acknowledgment. In this approach, expression of gratitude plays a major role; hence, acknowledgements, thank you notes, cards, gifts, loyalty, obligation and reciprocal acts of kindness are considered important.
Since the idea here is that “You helped me,” the expression of gratitude — “I thank you” — strengthens interpersonal relationships and social bonds. It is directed towards helpers, community or God. It is always interpersonal, transactional and situational — gratitude given to someone for something they have done for ‘me.’ This approach cultivates seeing the positive in life, which enhances happiness and strengthens relationships.
Practices such as journaling and writing thank you notes are easily accessible to everyone. This approach regulates emotions and comforts the ego by making it feel connected and acknowledged. The goal here is to feel good and be socially good. It is suitable for emotional healing and relative harmony. However, there are limitations and drawbacks to this approach.
This approach provides only temporary relief, it may remain superficial or situational, can lead to emotional bypassing (not taking action when needed) and comforts the ego but does not purify it. The focus remains on ‘me’ being helped.
Existential Gratitude — A Bhāratīya Perspective
In the Bhāratīya tradition, informed by the Vedas, gratitude (kṛtajñatā in Sanskrit) is not an emotion to be expressed or even a quality to be cultivated but a state of being that arises from recognition of the interconnected web of existence. To understand this, consider this subhāṣita (wise saying).
प्रथमवयसि दत्तं तोयमल्पं स्मरन्तः
शिरसि निहितभारा नारिकेला नराणाम् ।
सलिलममृतकल्पं दद्युराजीवनान्तं
न हि कृतमुपकारं साधवो विस्मरन्ति ।। (सुभाषितरत्नभाण्डागार)
prathama-vayasi dattaṁ toyam alpaṁ smarantaḥ
śirasi nihita-bhārā nārikelā narāṇām,
salilam amṛta-kalpaṁ dudyur ājīvanāntaṁ
na hi kṛtam upakāraṁ sādhavo vismaranti. (Subhāṣita-ratna-bhāṇḍāgāra)
“Remembering with gratitude the small amount of water given in early age, the coconut trees carry for people nectar-like water on their head throughout their life. Similarly, noble people never forget help rendered unto them by others.”
At first glance, this subhāṣita seems aligned with the Western view — remembrance of help, reciprocity and moral virtue. A deeper look, however, reveals the unique Bhāratīya perspective.
The verse uses nature — not culture — to show that it is the law of nature, the cosmic order or natural order, known as ṛta, to always give back manifold. Having once received water, the coconut tree offers sweet nectar to all — not just to the one who watered it — for the rest of its life. This shows that gratitude is the essence of nature itself, not merely a social or moral virtue. The natural law of giving is the song of ṛta and to not sing along is to fall out of harmony with nature. Each individual is born with sacred debt (ṛṇa) to seen and unseen forces. Gratitude lies in repaying the ṛṇa and participating in ṛta. Gratitude, therefore, is not just psychological but existential.
Humans, due to psychological fear, tend to hoard and exploit. No other living creature does that. By not participating in ṛta, humans fail to perform their dharma — this is adharma, causing the collapse of not just social but also natural order. Ingratitude is not just a moral failure but is marker for disconnection with ṛta.
Śrī Kṛṣṇa equates this rhythm of nature with yajña (sacrifice) and calls those who enjoy without giving back as “thieves.”
इष्टान्भोगान्हि वो देवा दास्यन्ते यज्ञभाविता: ।
तैर्दत्तानप्रदायैभ्यो यो भुङ्क्ते स्तेन एव स: ।। (भगवद्गीता ३।१२)
iṣṭān bhogān iha vo deva dāsyante yajña-bhāvitaḥ,
tair dattān apradāyaibhyo yo bhuṅkte stena eva saḥ. (Bhagavad Gītā, 3.12)
“The gods (devas), being satisfied by the performance of yajña, will grant you all the desired necessities of life. But those who enjoy what is given without offering in return are verily thieves.”
Gratitude here is not about acknowledgment or gifts but about performing one’s dharma and engaging in sevā. It is not personal but universal — extended even to enemies; not situational but constant — not dependent on specific circumstances or special days such as Mothers’ Day or Fathers’ Day. Practices include daily rituals (example, naivedya and havana), customs (example, touching the feet of elders) and prayers (example, śānti mantras).
The Bhāratīya approach recognizes only one giver — the Divine — who acts through different instruments. Gratitude, therefore, is not dualistic or transactional but awareness of divine grace flowing through different instruments. This awareness dissolves both the pride of giving and the dependency or obligation in receiving. It is not about thinking positive but about surrendering and seeing impermanence and interdependence. While the Western approach increases happiness and strengthens relationships, the Bhāratīya approach leads to humility, surrender and ultimately inner peace (śānti).
The goal is not to feel good and be socially good but to gain clarity and live in alignment with reality. It purifies the ego instead of merely comforting it; transforms one’s identity, not just the mindset; and ultimately brings lasting peace, rather than temporary relief. For disturbed minds, this approach may seem abstract; also, without understanding, rituals can become mechanical. Because it works at the root level, it is a slow process and requires proper guidance.
Integrating the Two Perspectives
A person with a Western perspective might wonder why someone rooted in Bhāratīya culture does not say or write “thank you.” Conversely, a person with a Bhāratīya perspective might wonder why someone with a Western perspective expresses gratitude verbally but does not perform their dharma. These misunderstandings stem from two different perspectives on gratitude — and life itself.
There are ways to integrate both approaches, depending on the context and the state of the individual. Given the rise of psychological challenges in modern times, the Western approach often provides a helpful starting point: it soothes emotional disturbances and rebuilds relative interpersonal harmony. However, the process should not stop there. The Bhāratīya approach goes much deeper — it purifies the ego and brings one into alignment with the rhythm of nature.
Next time we express gratitude, can we pause and notice whether it arises from habit, emotion or alignment with the natural order?